| Perspectives on Texas

Well there's some Lone Star State legislation
would put a tax on masturbation —
and I want to say that's just asking for a fight!

Those lawmakers better get a grip,
or some cowboy's going to flip —
they want to take away another right.

I read it in the state constitution,
the clause guaranteeing self-pollution:
a man may pollute himself with all his might.

And if he's on the range and lonely,
and he's his own one and only,
his only companion through the long desert night,

then I pity the Texas Ranger
who rides up on this stranger
and tries to fine this natural appetite.

So, Texans, call your legislators
and tell them you're onanistic liberators.
Let the Lone Star shine alone again tonight.